Pigs on the Beach

New York City

Why do pigs go to New York City?
To see the Big Apple.

How do they get up there?
In pigup trucks.

What are they warned to watch out for?
Pigpockets.

Then where do they go?
To Madison Square Gardens, but they are always disappointed because they never find the vegetables.

Pig in a Bar

A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says, "Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?"

Then the lady answered, "Excuse me, I think this is a goose."

And the bartender says, ''Excuse me, I was talking to the goose.''

Burgers

Does it bother you that there is no Ham in a Hamburger?

Prickly Pig

What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?

A Porkupine.

Clean vs. Dirty

Did you hear the Dirty Pig joke?
A pig fell in the mud.

But wait it gets better... There's a clean one too.
A pig took a bath.

Ham and Eggs

A day's work for a chicken.
A lifetime commitment for a pig!

My Pig Belle

I once had a pet pig named Belle. One day I decided to let Belle have his freedom. When I let Belle go, he ran as fast as he could into a fence post. I could see three ribs exposed. Belle was dead! I decided to take Belle to a vet. The vet did an autopsy, he concluded Belle died from Suey Side.

George Bush

One day while George Bush was on his morning jog, he noticed a little
boy standing outside the White House gates. As curiosity got the best
of him, George jogged over to the gates to see what the little boy
was doing.

As he approached the gates, George was taken by surprise when he
noticed a sign saying "Republican Pigs For Sale." George asked the
boy about the pigs he was trying to sell. "What's up, son?" George
asked. To which the little boy replied, "I'm selling Republican
piglets. Would you like to buy one, Mr. President?' he answered.

"No, thank you, young man. I already have a pig. But thanks anyway,
and good luck," said the President. And he jogged away.

Thinking about how cute the piglets had been, George went to Laura
and told her about the Republican piglets. They both laughed about
how sweet it was that the little boy was trying to sell the piglets.

The next morning, George noticed the same little boy at the gate with
the same little piglets. This day, however, the sign read,
"Democratic Piglets For Sale."

George inquired about the sign: "Young man, yesterday when I was
here, you had a sign stating that these were Republican piglets for
sale. Now today you call the same piglets Democratic piglets. What's
the deal?"

To which the boy replied, "Yes sir, Mr. President, but today, they
all have their eyes open."

Al Gore Sighting

Spider Pig

SPIDER PIG

SPIDER PIG

Does whatever a SPIDER PIG does

Can he swing

From a web

No he cant

He's a pig

LOOK OOOUUUTTT!!!!

He is a SPIDER PIG!!

Three Little Pigs

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night.

The waiter came and took their drink order.
"I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy.
"I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.
"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy.
"I want the salad plate," said the second piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later, the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
"I want a banana split," said the first piggy.
"I want a root beer float," said the second piggy.
"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," exclaimed the third little piggy.

"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggy, "but why have you only ordered beer all evening?"

The third piggy says -

"Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!"

Code

What language do Pigs use to keep secrets?

Pig Latin.....

Smart Pig

A travelling salesman came upon an old farmer sitting on his porch, next to the farmer was a pig with only one leg. The salesman was about to give his sales pitch when his curiosity got the best of him.

"Excuse me sir, but why does your pig only have one leg?" asked the salesman.

"Well sonny , I'll tell ya. One day I was out plowing the back 40 when my tractor overturned, pinning me underneath. I was losing blood and thought I would die when that pig came running. He dug and rooted around with his nose till he got me out and he dragged me back to the house. Saved my life that pig did."

"Wow, that's really amazing," said the salesman, "but I still don't know why the pig only has one leg."

"Well I'll tell ya," said the farmer. "One night me and the wife were asleep at about 3am when a fire broke out in the kitchen. Well that pig broke down the door, came into our bedroom waking us up and getting us out before the fire could get us, saved our lives that pig did!"

"Well that's really great but why does the pig only have one leg?"

"Well sonny, when you get a pig that smart, you don't want to eat him all at once!"

Work

A bus station is where a bus stops.

A train station is where a train
stops.

On my desk I have a work station…?

Bacon

What did one slice of Bacon say to the other Slice?

Nice Fat!!